I suck...
I went back to doing origami. Not the one thousand paper cranes, but just simple things. It's the one thing guaranteed to calm me down. Just a few folds, and I feel this wonderful calm descend over me. With my best friend out of the country, I seriously need things to calm me. When she was here, she was my sounding board. I love my family, but there are some things I would never discuss with them - mostly coz they'd tease me for being a dork. When I feel bad, it's like this horrible lump in my throat that I can't swallow, but then it drops to the pit of my stomach and makes me feel like fainting. Sometimes I cry. Crying makes me feel even worse, but it's a release on its own. I feel extra-bad today. I was supposed to go out with my friend, but my parents took me and my bro out shopping for plants and then to lunch and time just ran away from me and all of sudden, there was no way I was gonna make it on time. I felt soooo horrible, not that that means anything or makes anything better. I'm not much for flaking, but things were just outta my hands today. I think they were angry, but unlike me, they're not much for emotion. Anyhow, I felt awful and cried a bit, which made me angry at myself. So I decided to do some more origami. It's much more constructive than feeling bad. Doesn't mean I don't feel completely low. It's totally my fault and they had to go out of their way to make the appointment, and I've been an awful friend lately, so selfish and unreasonable and all sorts of other awful stuff...sometimes I think at least half of the toxicity in my life is of my own making.
Final thought: Maybe I'm so screwed up, I don't deserve friends.
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 12.12.06 (5:17 am)
Reply to: LadyG
Thank you. I needed that. Although I still think I need to work on being a better friend, it's hard for me, but thank you. Your words mean a lot. :)
posted by: judebaker (reply)
post date: 12.12.06 (7:46 am)
everyone deserve's to have someone special in their life, whether it's an intimate someone or an even more intimate someone such as a good friend, don't be so hard on yourself, I have a feeling you are a much better friend than you give yourself credit for.
posted by: sudeshpoojari (reply)
post date: 12.12.06 (9:40 am)
why don't u try anger management, or for tht matter watch tht movie of adam sandler, u will roll in laughs, well for my similar prob it was simple, this trick was used by my frnds get me out of anger, as i had temper prob(i still have but now i learned to control my emotion so tht i can hide it),
my anger was short timed, before in errupt on anger on anybody my frnd used to scream on me making me look really silly,
for if ur trying calm try watching some beautiful girls arnd, well i hope u have lot of those in thailand
and enjoy life
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 12.13.06 (5:38 am)
Reply to: judebaker
Thank you for commenting. That's very sweet of you.
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 12.13.06 (5:42 am)
Reply to: sudeshpoojari
LOL, I don't know about anger management per se, but origami does the same thing for me I guess. I'm glad you've managed to control your emotions, I think if I learn to do so as well, my life may get easier. Maybe. :) Thanks for commenting.