Broken record

I miss my best friend terribly. That's the problem with being super-selective about friends - you tend to have a few quality ones and when they go away to further their education or whatnot, you're left by your lonesome. Overall, I'm okay. Just waiting for my advisor to get back from China and take a look at my paper. It's just I wish she were here. Sigh. Mellow, that's my keyword. It seems like all I do nowadays is gripe. Of course, I always gripe - I'm a griper extraordinaire - but lately, it's really been getting on my nerves. I hear the sound of my own voice going on and on and I just think: "Why am I droning on like this?" Talking in circles. Saying the same things over and over and over like some kinda broken record. Sickening. And to what avail? I just annoy the hell out of myself and whoever it is I'm aiming my complaints at. I never get a response. Or scratch that, I never a get a response that I'm satisfied with. It's not that nothing can appease me, I'm just not that easily appeased. It takes a mountain, not a molehill, and some people are simply incapable of delivering. That's fine. We're all just human. We have our flaws, our Achilles heels. Critical as I am, I do like to think I am fair. I don't put people on pedestals and when they topple down (because we all must, at some point or another), stare at them in disgust and discard them. It might be because I'm just not that easily bored. Things can keep my interest for months, years, a lifetime. It's not that I'm adverse to change, but my motto is: if it ain't broke, why fix it? Of course if it is broke, by all means, put effort into fixing it, but it it's beyond repair, chuck it. No regrets. No guilt. No tears. Toss it. All right, maybe some tears, but just a few and then none, no more, or you'll drown in an ocean of your own creation. I don't think I ask for much, but what little I do ask for, I don't get - or I get after much reluctance. What's wrong with this picture? I guess it's me, partly. Read an article recently about how people these days never seem to blame themselves. Well, I blame myself, but I know it's not all about me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, but frankly, I'm too tired to care.

Final thought: Maybe it's some sort of karmic challenge. Guess I've learned quite a bit. And here I am, still griping. Geez, I am a broken record.