Why he should have left me

Was reading through my diary today. Noted many entries about Mr. Heartbreaker. Recalled with a sense of disgust all the times he made me mad. I tried so many times to leave him. The thing with me is, in all honesty, I get to a point in almost every relationship where I make an assessment and figure out if it's more viable for me to run or to push the other person away or attempt a combination of both. See, it's so much easier to run or force the other person out than it is to stay and wait for them to leave you. It hurts much less. I learned that lesson a long time ago, when I got hurt by my so-called elementary school friends. Of course, I've been lucky in that some people have come after me. "Lucky" applies to those people who came after me and the relationship became better, stronger. I want people to come after me, I think it proves their allegiance. It's a good thing. That adjective does not apply, however, to what happened with Mr. Heartbreaker. He came after me, true...but sometimes I think it would've been better if he hadn't, if he'd just left me. Then I wouldn't have all these memories to torment me. He should have left me so that I wouldn't have all these scenes in my head that torture me and drive me crazy at random times. I suspect he only came after me for selfish reasons (still unknown to me, and probably always a mystery), not because he actually cared about me, about keeping me in his life. It was always all about him, and I was tricked into thinking this was okay, that as long as he was happy, I could be happy too. Lies. Relationships are two-way streets, I know that now. I'm wiser now, and it won't ever happen again. He should have left me because I stayed for all the wrong reasons. I know better now, but the memories... I'll always be cursed with them. Too many of them, because he didn't leave me earlier.

Final thought: Maybe I remembered this quote wrong, but it goes - "The leaves of memory make a mournful rustle in the dark."