Humiliation and hate

Despite circumstances, my life (and it appears, every other Thai citizen's life) is going on as usual. My own insignificant life is now at the forefront of my consciousness. My best friend is leaving on Saturday. She helped keep me sane and now that job will be left solely to me, so I will be constantly dancing on the edge of madness. I went a little nuts today. I was humiliated this evening, caught red-handed, by the exact same person, doing the exact same thing. I couldn't have been more embarrassed than if I'd been a six-year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Later, I went hysterical. I've been getting hysterical a lot lately. Too much stress, I suppose, too much stress coupled with a feeling of deep inadequacy. I have a pretty healthy self-image, but there are most definitely days I look in the mirror and really can't stand the girl I see looking back at me. Sometimes, I just need an added bit of attention to reassure myself, and I become an imbecile about trying to extract it. I'm tired, mostly, and sick of myself, but I suppose, like my country, I'll be okay.

Final thought: Tired, stuck and bored...my brother wrote a song about that once, and I get what it means now.