Reading into my life

A long time ago, I abandoned someone I shouldn't have...Someone I loved more than anything else. I was afraid someday I'd lose this person. So I had to let go myself. If he was going to be stolen away from me, or I was going to lose him by accident, I decided it was better to discard him myself. Of course I felt anger that didn't fade, that was part of it. But the whole thing was a huge mistake. It was someone I should never have abandoned.

God, have you ever read something and just thought, "Whoa, get out of my head!" I was wandering around the library, trying to find more sources for my study and lo and behold, hidden on the farthest shelf (literally) was a copy of Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore, which I've been dying to read. Despite having a ton of work to do, and it being a hardcover book stretching well past three hundred pages, I had to - had to - read it and was not disappointed. To say it's a beautiful book would be trite; it's more than beautiful, it's heartwrenching. So much of it just hit me, I have no other verb for it. Amazing, considering a good portion of it deals with talking cats, advertising mascots come to life and scenes that in the hands of any other writer would come across as pornographic, masturbatory fantasies. A lot of what was written resonated with me, but the passage I quoted above is just so right. Can't go into all the little details right now, but it could've been pulled from my own mind, my past, my present, my future. I wonder why now, of all times, I should come across something that so perfectly describes me...makes me think there's a bigger plan than we realize.

Final thought: From Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
 "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know what direction I'm facing in. What's wrong, what's  right - whether I should keep on going ahead or turn around. I'm totally lost."
 Oshima keeps silent, no answer forthcoming.
 "You've got to help me. What am I supposed to do?"
 "You don't have to do anything," he says simply.