Love = Pain
Have you ever missed someone so much it manifested itself as a physical ache? My biology and emotions are so tied up together, sometimes, I can't tease them apart. Everytime I saw the love of my life, my heart would start to pound like I'd been fleeing something dangerous, thumping so hard at times I thought I might faint from exhaustion. This rapid beating of my heart I came to identify with love; eventually, it came to be love for me, a tangible, physical reaction. When I had my heart broken, I felt a sharp pain inside me, like I'd been run through with a knife, only harder - more like a knife that had come flying towards me with the speed of a bullet. Every strong emotion I have seems to be paired with an equally intense physical manifestation. The worse thing is that since my feelings can take me by surprise, their physical parallels also catch me off-guard as well. Does anyone else have to suffer this way? Does anyone suddenly feel like a million shards of glass are cutting through them when they're missing someone so badly it's as if nothing can ever take the pain away? It's as if the only thing I have ever equated love to is pain - or at least, I barely remember its good points. Was there ever a time I was happy to be in love? It's hurt me so much, I'm scared. I'm terrified of ever feeling that much pain again, so I choose not to try or care any longer. I've said it before, and I'm saying it again. I'm through with love. Love and I are no longer on speaking terms. Something major has to happen for me to even consider falling in love again. If you were me, would you risk having to go through agony just because you wished, impossibly, that someone was there with you?
Final thought: For SupremeAnna, Love = Pain.
posted by: babe4jesus55 (reply)
post date: 07.16.06 (6:33 pm)
That's so sad about giving up on love. Surely since you feel the pain so intensly, you feel the rivers of joy just as passionatly. There must have been something good to this "love" you've had before, otherwise you wouldn't have tred such treterous ground. But yes, you aren't alone; when I miss my boyfriend, it often manifests itself as an almost dibilitating pain. I also agree that love is pain in a way, because human beings are naturally self-centered and when in love with another, you're focus is removed from yourself and put on another. This irritates this self to one degree or another, which sometimes becomes a physical pain as well.
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 07.16.06 (8:49 pm)
Reply to: babe4jesus55
Yes, I admit there were good things about being in love, but on the balance, the negative outweighed the positive. The imbalance was so immense, I just feel...shot. The physical reaction I went through I can only equate to being run over by an 18-wheeler, not to be melodramatic. I think I will recover, but never be the same again. And I like your statement about the nature of love, I couldn't agree more - yes, we are self-centered and shifting the attention away from ourselves can have some harsh results. Thanks for commenting.
posted by: babe4jesus55 (reply)
post date: 07.17.06 (9:00 pm)
Reply to: supremeanna
I don't think I've ever been quite the same in the aftermath of a failed relationship. That's a positive outcome though, if you look at it right; change means we've learned something. Take hold of that bit of knowledge and never let go. Lessons learned the hard way stick to us the best and allow us to share better too. I've kept a running list of things I've learned from each relationship I've had. I'd like to say I've learned quite alot about relationships and people in general in my short dating history. They were hard lessons, but lessons I wouldn't give back if I had the chance.
posted by: Mr. heartache (reply)
post date: 07.21.06 (10:24 am)
The woman whom I am in love with works with me. 7 months ago when I first saw her I could not stop looking at her and watching her walk and so I introduced myself as soon as I could. I just had to. I felt so guilty being married for six years and we have a beautiful daughter which I showed her a picture so that things could never go anywhere. We get along and we think the same on so many things and whilst at work we have gone on breaks and luch together. I even made a CD from a list of songs she had written and one hell of a nice psycedelic cd cover. She told me the day after that no one has ever made anything for her before. Several days later she told me that I just knew the right things to say to a woman. It was no act. One day she was asking me about her hair and in general how I thought about how she looked. I struggled to tell her without telling her while she kept wanting me to tell her the truth. So I said alright I will tell you. I said, "Elaine, I think your the most beautiful woman I have ever known or seen.". Another time I asked her if it was obvious about how a felt about her and she said ,"yes I know you like me alot.". I said to her,"Am I in love with you?... Yes I am in love with you". The pain is twofold. Pain in my heart because I love her and pain in my guts for even feeling this when I never thought I would or should.
Thanks, Mr. Heartache