Unlovable
Oh my God, Darren Hayes is so fantastic! His song Unlovable perfectly captures my current mood. How is it that when I try to express the same emotions that he does, I end up sounding like an illiterate eleventh-grader on MySpace but he sounds like an award-winning poet? There, dear reader, is the difference between being a hack and having talent. This song sends shivers down my spine, it's so spot-on. I always thought that love should make you the best person you can be, the happiest, the nicest, the most affectionate, the most caring, the most selfless - I thought it would make you glow. But it's not like that all. It's so much worse than anything I could ever put into words. How can love be a good thing when it makes you feel like you're constantly being stabbed in the gut? How can you continue to love someone who makes you feel like the worst version of yourself, like someone who's not worthy of being alive? How can you think obsessively about one person when he never spent a second thinking about you? How can you love and love and love when there's no hope? How can one person make you feel so horribly about yourself? Yeah, I don't know either.
Final thought: From Darren Hayes's Unlovable
I had your back, I held you up, I told you you were good enough
It was not reciprocated, you kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think you're satisfied to see me begging like a dog
I wasn't armored, you were king, I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you and then
For just a moment I romanticized the notion
I can take away the torment, I can love you like they never did
You make me feel like my father never loved me (you never loved me)
You make me feel like the act of love is empty (I felt so empty)
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?