The birds and the bees
I've never watched it, but apparently, there's a scene in the movie Lovely & Amazing where Emily Mortimer's character strips down and asks a man to criticize her naked figure. That's a fascinating concept to me, because I'm one of those people who says, "Tell me what you think of me" and actually means it. A lot of people, I think, ask you for your honesty, but can't really deal with it. Like if someone asks if the song they wrote is good and you think it's like a yak giving birth, you probably wouldn't use those exact words. I'm not advocating giving them two thumbs down and saying, "For goodness' sakes, I'll never get those three minutes of my life back!" That would be mean and would earn you a reputation as a nasty person. It's a judgement call - how well do you know that person? How much do you think they would benefit from sincere constructive criticism? I've asked people to comment on my personality and to tell me my flaws, and for the most part, we seem to be in agreement on a lot of issues, so I guess I know the problems (as for solving them, well, that's another issue). But my body? I don't know if I'll be secure enough to listen. I want to know, eventually, but I'm just not at that stage in my emotional development. I suppose it would happen in a sexual context, and that's what unnerves me. I think I've mentioned it before, but I have issues with my own sexuality. Not that I'm confused or anything, I'm just not comfortable with sex, with discussing it openly or anything like that. I acknowledge my problem. It took me a long time to be even able to say or write "my own sexuality" without having a panic attack. It's kinda funny, because of how my parents are - they're so open about sex, and embracing one's sexuality and so on. I wonder where I got this complex. I mean, it's not like I wasn't taught all about sex in a safe, supportive environment - my parents made sure I got the "talk" and I got all the gory details at school. Unlike a large fraction my Thai countrymen, I know most, if not all, of the facts - how people get pregnant, how sexually transmitted diseases are caught, etc. Yet, I don't know - I'm still just very, very uncomfortable. Maybe it's just me. Do I think sex is important? Absolutely. I mean, the other day Sittha jokingly asked me if I'd rather have someone who I could spend the rest of my life shopping with or sleeping with - the latter for me, definitely. It's not just because I don't like shopping, I just think that if I ever do get married, I might as well have sex. You can shop with just about anyone.
Final thought: The birds and the bees...if only it were that simple.