My Parents, the Liberals

It really sucks when you have parents who are more liberal than you. My parents are two of the most open-minded people in the universe and sometimes, that is a just a downright pain. Like, for instance, we were watching the news and they had this story about these twin women who had gotten married. The catch? They'd married the same guy! At the same ceremony! There they were, the guy's parents paying two dowries (is that the term? What I mean is, in a Thai wedding ceremony, the groom has to compensate the bride's family with gold and whatnot for taking their daughter away) and everyone's smiling and looking like it was perfectly normal and acceptable. Okay, listen, I'm all for personal rights and freedom of choice...but I guess when it comes to polygamy, I'm as narrow-minded as any backward fool. I suppose there are just some things that get your goat, and this was one of them for me. And I started going on and on about how it was weird and sick and a blow to women's rights and my parents were all, "What's wrong? They're mature, responsible adults and they're entering into it of their own free will. Who are you to judge?" Indeed, who was I to judge? So for like the eight millionth time of my life, I realized I was more of a prude than my folks. That stings. Isn't it supposed to be the kid who defends stuff that gets her parents to think, "My God, how on Earth could you even conceive of that?" My parents are cool with just about anything as long as it's not illegal and doesn't hurt anyone else. Example: my younger brother has two tattoos, both done before he was eighteen. This might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but believe me, it's a huge deal in my family. To this day, my grandmother has no idea about it because she'd probably have a heart attack. Pick any topic and it's likely my folks are cool or at least tolerant of it. Premarital sex? "You have a good education, you know the risks. Just use protection." Homosexuality? "As long as you're a law-abiding citizen, it doesn't matter who you choose to love." Pornography? "Sexuality is a normal thing." Drinking/smoking/drugs? "Hey, it's your body. Just don't drive drunk and if you're arrested, we'll bail you out, but just know we'll make you stay overnight in jail." Dating? "You're old enough to make your own choices. Just bring 'em by so we can meet 'em." Yup, my parents are totally open - course, they also drill stories of death by carelessness into me and my bro, just to make sure we know what could happen. Still, it seems that I'm constantly finding myself being lectured on why I'm too mean, too quick to condemn. Like if I say, "I hate so-and-so, I'm never talking to him again", my mom will say, "Oh, you don't know anything about his circumstances. Didn't you say his parents were divorced? That must be tough." And my dad will go, "What good does hate do? Do you think you're so perfect?" It doesn't seem to matter that said person may have tried to copy from me during an exam or even hit me so hard, I got a large green bruise (happened in the fifth grade) - it is never okay to write someone off as hopeless, at least not in my mom and dad's opinion. One of my dad's friends has a minor wife, and the minor wife is completely awful, the kind of person you should be ashamed to be even mentioned in the same sentence with, yet my parents are totally all right with her. That is not cool. Women who become minor wives should be condemned, as should the men who take them. I don't care what way you swing it, that is wrong, in my opinion. You want a new wife? Divorce your old one! I can't stand looking at her, I just want to strangle her and tell her she's giving womankind - no, scratch that, basic human decency - a horrible rep. Know what my folks said when I told them that? "It's none of your business." That's a legitimate point, but doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it, right? People have opinions about me, some good, most probably bad, nothing I can do to stop them. It's not like I went up to this atrocious woman and her lecherous beau and threw my drink at them or something. I just expressed my opinion about her low behavior - to my family, and not even to her face! Yet, for my parents, the arch-liberals, that's not something to be done. I sometimes wonder where I got these prude genes.

Final thought: I bet my kids will have a bone of contention with me, too. Ah, the circle of life.