Brokeback Fallout
It's crazy, but bits of Brokeback Mountain keep flashing into my consciousness. It's like, I finished my exam today and was walking to the library to return some books and I just had this sudden vision of the two characters, hugging, in my mind's eye. Maybe because it was such a romantic movie, yet so sad, so terribly sad. Does love have to hurt? I didn't use to think so, but now I'm not so sure. The greatest love of my life took my breath away - and not in a romantic, lovey-dovey, Jessica Simpson Take My Breath Away cover, no, not like that. If I had to describe it, I'd say it was like being punched, hard, right in the stomach; that feeling you get right before you pass out, this feeling like "Oh my God, I'm going to die." That was when I knew. That was it; that was the love people had wrote about, sang about, fought for, pined for. I remember just looking at him and thinking, "I love you so much." Ick. Just remembering makes me sick, sick at how incredibly stupid I was, but yes, that was how I felt, how I still feel sometime, and maybe that's why Brokeback resonated so deeply with me and why it took like three days for it to sink in. "I wish I knew how to quit you," Jack Twist laments. He misses Ennis so much sometime, it's like a physical pain. Funny, because that's how love felt to me, a physical pain, a deep wound that drew no blood. Strange how love and heartbreak feel so similar. Only, when you're in love, the pain is a good thing, the pain is something you crave. When your heart is broken, you pray, hope, wish for the pain to go away. Sometimes, you just wish you could cut your heart out, just to give yourself one brief moment free of pain. Only you know, no matter what, you'll never recover. There's nothing on this Earth that can ever make you whole again and you just have to learn to cope, to move on, even with the knowledge that you're a complete idiot, a fool who's wasted all their energy on something stupid and silly.
Final thought: "I wish I knew how to quit you." God, if only....
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (5:12 am)
I haven't seen it yet... but if it evokes those kinds of feelings, I don't know if I could handle it.
posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (5:58 am)
really good post...though I haven't seen the movie yet.
I sorta agree with the love thing - the only guy I've ever loved is now my ex for the third time and he did alot of bad stuff to me, but I'll always love him. I just can't like him anymore. Now I'm still in love with someone else, but it could go pretty badly too...hoping not to end up how you described..
posted by: Ecotone (Still Walking the Line) (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (7:42 am)
That is exactly what happens to me everytime I fall in love. It's a dreadful feeling yet I crave for it. You can't control your emotions when you're near that person and you try to your best to let that person know but discreetly. I wanted to control my feelings but it's something that can't be overcome and you just feel bizarrely delighted to have that feelings. I ususally get scared at the end of that feeling that will go away and I will never feel it with that person again. It did.
"Why don't you just let me be?". This scene just kills me...
posted by: Ecotone (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (7:47 am)
BTW, I still cant get over this movie everytime I see the trailer or poster, I just want to weep. Its message is so powerful that I felt like I'm stuck on Brokeback and can't find my way home.
Oh, it looks like Jake either gay or bi. There are pics of him and his "boyfriend".
posted by: (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (8:09 am)
lots of reply, i know. im pulling an alnighter so bear with me, I have to work on many projects!
Found this online, if you have watched Grease, you'll find this extremely funny. Enjoy!
Jack: Summer lovin, had me a blast
Ennis: Summer lovin, happened sooooo fast!
Jack: Met a boy, cute as could be
Ennis: Screwed a boy, first time for me!
Jack & Ennis: Brokeback days, drifting away,
Butt oh those Brokeback nights
Aguirre: Tell me more tell me more...did you stem the rose?
Tell me more tell me more...I know you stemmed the rose.
shoota bop bop shoota bop bop shoota bop yeah....
Ennis: Jack got friendly, grabbing my hand
What a surprise, to be with a man!
Jack: He was no sinner, a boy of nineteen
But he was no saint, you know what I mean....
Summer heat, boy and boy meet,
But oh those Brokeback nights....
Aguirre: Tell me more tell me more....Was that mud on your knee?
Tell me more tell me more....Could you make room for three?
It turned colder, that's where it ends
So they pretended they were just friends
But Jack made a secret true love vow
For Ennis to find, at Jack's final bow
Brokeback dreams, lost in the streams
But oh, those summer nights.....
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (8:48 am)
Freaking hilarious, that Grease parody. Man, I wish I had a gift for comedy. thanks for sharing; i know what you feel, or at least, i can empathize...walk the line, my friend.
posted by: SupremeAnna (reply)
post date: 02.27.06 (8:50 am)
Reply to: bacardibreezer
It's a great movie! I highly recommend it, even if your own romantic life is not going as planned. It' still a fantastic movie.