I'm big, why can't I show some skin?
There are dark rings under my eyes reminiscent of craters. This is what I get after going to bed at four in the morning (yes, you read that right) for two nights in a row. For some people, that may be nothing, but for me, Miss "ten p.m. is a bit late to be up", it's super, extremely late. And I'm doing it again. You may ask me why...well, because I'm so unmotivated all day, I feel like if I just work later, though sporadically, I might make up for the lack of actual work I do. You know - less but for a longer time. I'm thinking it might balance itself out. Anyhow, I just multitasking between my language assessment assignment (write a test, what irony. I hate tests, despise them. I have extreme test anxiety and now I'm suppose to author one!) and surfing the net. Something I read got me thinking about the subject of skin. Yes, skin. I've heard guys love skin - the more, the merrier. Personally, I've never been a big fan of showing skin. I'm fine with women who do it, I've just never been one of them. The one time I wore spaghetti straps in public was back in my undergrad days, when I was just lying down for a nap when lo and behold, it turned out we had drama practice. No time to change, I begged my roommate for a ride to the university and walk in only to be greeted by shock. My drama teacher actually said to me of my performance that day (I was playing a prissy, repressed schoolmarm type. Hmmm...) that it would have been easier "if I had more clothes on". Even though well, I've seen other people wearing the same thing and I thought it was pretty decent, but then again, plus-sized women have to be very careful what they put on. And I can say that because I am a large girl. I think people, especially Thai people of the male persuasion, have a problem with larger women who are comfortable with showing off their own bodies. Fat girls just aren't sexy (and you can fight me on that, but keep on reading), not to the majority of Thai guys anyway. I made my peace with that long ago, but some girls simply haven't and I feel bad for them, because I'm sorry to say this, but you're more likely to have it snow in Thailand than turn on a guy being a fat girl in a skimpy outfit. We're not like our slender sisters. I can probably go on and on and on about this, having been a proud member of the Big Girls club for as long as I remember, but I'm getting tired. There are some good points about being a larger woman in Thailand. Except for the inappropriacy issues, I really can wear just about anything I want. Suffice to say, I have never had to worry about arousing the...um, wrong kind of attention. Even when I've let a blouse slip, exposing a shoulder, or worn shorts that were slightly too short or even when my bra strap was visible...let's just say, it never crossed my mind that anyone was looking at me in any way other than how you look at the lunchlady or your older sister. I've always felt completely safe walking around on my own, my only fear being for my wallet. I can also do just about anything in public, even things other girls would never do (a large number of them anyway), like eat chips or lick ice cream off a spoon. I know I'm not being "checked out" so I have that freedom. It's the best part of being...well, fat. Whoa, what a tangent. Probably will be returning to this issue sometime in the future, since I guess I'm something of an expert.
Final thought: Big girls don't cry...except when the fridge is empty. 