Vertigo
02.01.09 (5:22 am) [edit]
What a long week! I've had to limit my computer time because on Tuesday night, I got extreme vertigo and could barely stand up. The world was spinning and I almost threw up four times preparing a Powerpoint presentation for my class. I think it's because I scroll up and down too much. So, I've been offline for a bit. Lots of things going on in real life. My grandmother had a mini-stroke. She's fine now, but she still can't speak very clearly. I'd say she's at 80% efficiency. My mom's staying with her, so that sucks. I miss her. I call her every night though, so that helps, a little. My best friend is on a maximum workload, so haven't had any gab time with her. Not to mention I'm working like a nut. Still, I'm glad I have a job, especially one where other people's (literal) lives don't depend on me. I think back to my lab internship and I shudder. I could've been stuck doing that for the rest of my life. I could've seriously hurt myself or others. Ugh. Thank goodness.
Final thought: Off to watch Supernatural. A girl has to rest!
Final thought: Off to watch Supernatural. A girl has to rest!
Zero contact
01.17.09 (6:11 am) [edit]
Here's the thing with poisonous relationships of any kind. If you're going to burn bridges, make sure they're reduced to ashes. After all, if you're striking the match, you have good reason. Why leave any part of the structure standing? Torch it! I think I've said it before, but I'm an advocate of zero contact. That means if you've made up your mind to rid your life of someone, you have stay firm with that decision and clear them out of your life, no matter how sad or painful you might feel. Erase them from your phonebook, your email contacts, your Facebook, everywhere they've left a mark of some kind. Take down their pictures. Throw away or hide their gifts. It's okay to cry while you do this. It's okay to doubt yourself, but don't let any of that stop you from doing it. I think that's the only way to make a clean break. Otherwise, you're left with reminders. And you grow weak. And you forget how shoddily you were treated. You forget how horrible and insignificant and truly pathetic you were made to feel. If I could pull an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on myself, believe me, I would. Perhaps someday. Does this mean I'm not open to reconciliation? I'm a bit of a grudge-holder, but I take things on a case-by-case basis. If I judge the reconciliation attempt to be a good, solid effort...maybe, maybe, just maybe, I'd go back. Though I doubt it.
Final thought: Zero contact. Cold turkey for relationships.
Final thought: Zero contact. Cold turkey for relationships.
Plugging for Russell Stover
01.16.09 (12:19 am) [edit]
I got a box of Russell Stover Organic Pecan Delights for the New Year. They're a mouthful of chocolatey heaven, if you ask me. What I like is that I don't have to play Russian roulette when I bite into one, like I do when I get a Whitman's Sampler. It seems that every time I pick up a chocolate from the Whitman's box, it's always a cherry cordial. For the record, I hate cherry cordial. Tastes like the cough syrup I took as a kid. I'm sure there are people who love them. Otherwise, why would they keep being manufactured? I'm not one of them. Give me nuts in my chocolate. Heaven.
Final thoughts: Get the nuts out of my life, though. Please.
Final thoughts: Get the nuts out of my life, though. Please.
Another fun list
01.15.09 (4:36 am) [edit]
I miss making fun lists. I usually only make To Do lists now, which I like, but silly lists are great, too. Here's one I found on a website, slightly abridged.
Do you...?
1. Tell the truth? As much as possible, but most people don't want to hear the truth.
2. Gossip? Sure! Who doesn't? Though I try not to at work.
3. Get annoyed easily? Yes, way too easily.
4. Forgive easily? Let's just say I still have grudges from kindergarten.
5. Make blogs online? Um, hello?
6. Joke about other people for fun? Yes, but I try to stick to something nice, like, "Oh God, he's too smart to exist!"
7. Have a split personality? No. Pretty consistent personality-wise. I complain today, I complain tomorrow.
8. Talk while you eat? As in talk while I chew? No, that's gross. But I love to chat over meals.
9. Have an easy time making decisions? Absolutely not. I agonize over every choice.
10. Pull all-nighters on weekends? Don't have the stamina for it.
Final thought: If only life could be a list of easily checked-off items. A girl can dream, can't she?
Do you...?
1. Tell the truth? As much as possible, but most people don't want to hear the truth.
2. Gossip? Sure! Who doesn't? Though I try not to at work.
3. Get annoyed easily? Yes, way too easily.
4. Forgive easily? Let's just say I still have grudges from kindergarten.
5. Make blogs online? Um, hello?
6. Joke about other people for fun? Yes, but I try to stick to something nice, like, "Oh God, he's too smart to exist!"
7. Have a split personality? No. Pretty consistent personality-wise. I complain today, I complain tomorrow.
8. Talk while you eat? As in talk while I chew? No, that's gross. But I love to chat over meals.
9. Have an easy time making decisions? Absolutely not. I agonize over every choice.
10. Pull all-nighters on weekends? Don't have the stamina for it.
Final thought: If only life could be a list of easily checked-off items. A girl can dream, can't she?
Bruises
01.11.09 (4:17 am) [edit]
There's a nasty bruise on the inside of my arm. Had a routine blood test a few days ago and had the world's most inept technician. He stuck the needle in me and failed to locate the vein, so what does he do? Starts poking around my arm with the needle. Probably hit a few dozen tiny blood vessels. The blood formed a dime-shaped bruise which is only now starting to clear up. Nasty as it is, it's kind of fascinating. Watching CSI: NY has made me more attuned to bruising, I think. I've been tracking the color of the bruise. According to what I've seen, the first few days, a bruise is red - the color of the fresh blood. Then it might go through a few more color changes before it finally turns yellowish-brownish, and fades away. Tiny patches of green have begun to form on my bruise, so it's only a matter of time before it's gone. And who said you couldn't learn anything from TV?
Final thought: Next time I'm getting another technician.
Final thought: Next time I'm getting another technician.
Anomie?
01.06.09 (11:32 pm) [edit]
The New Year was basically like an extended work week for me. I carted home tons of papers to grade and slogged through them until my red pen ran out. Am working on some slides right now. Handed in my Ph.D application and proposal. Pretty hectic first few days back at work. It'll be nice when things start slowing down, although it's gonna be hard, because I just got two new classes. But hey, at least I have a job, right? A lot of people want to be working and aren't, so I'm pretty thankful I guess. Did some other stuff, but I wasn't overly impressed by any of it. Ever since I realized that it's only ever going to harder to trust people, I've been...a bit off. I'm not sad or upset. I've just come to realization that for some people, like me, you can only place love and trust in a handful of people. Everyone else will end up disappointing you and you know what? Screw them. I wonder if I'm suffering anomie?
Final thought: Anomie - there's a thought.
Final thought: Anomie - there's a thought.