E + R = O
Have you ever been with someone who makes you just want to SCREAM? Someone who makes it seem like their mission in life is to push each and every one of your buttons and make sure you self-destruct? Yeah, well, I have, and sometimes I wonder why I stick around. Maybe it's because I can't let go of things. Maybe it's because I remember all the good this person has done and it somehow outweighs the awful. Maybe coz I'm hopeful that things will turn out for the better. Or maybe just coz I'm nuts. Was recently at a Jack Canfield seminar (not as a participant, as the interpreter) - he's one of the authors of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series - and his theory is that everything in life can be summed up by the equation E + R = O. That is, an "event" plus your "reaction" equals a certain "outcome". Further, he said that the only part of the equation we have any influence over is our own response, and that makes all the difference to the ultimate outcome. It's something to think about. It's how I've been coping with annoying situations lately. I still complain and moan and pout - that's just who I am, and that will never permanently change - but more and more, I try to respond differently to the same-old, "in a rut" situations I find myself stuck in. It's of course part of my vow to live realistically. I realize I can't change other people, and there are just somethings out of my direct control, but I'll be darned if I'm going to be walked all over without my consent. Had enough of that. My friend told me I'm the victim in so many situations. Yeah, well, maybe I am, but nowadays I know, for the most part, it's a conscious decision on my end. Take work, for instance. I know my boss is pretty much gypping me. He's paying me much less than I'm worth, I know it, but I like my job. It's easy, it's relatively stress-free and once I made up my mind to smile and nod along with my co-workers, I found I'm having a pretty good time. So, what I might be losing monetary-wise, I figure I earn in emotional credit. No pressure - how many workplaces can boast that? Before, I might've fumed and fumed about it, but now I realize there's actually no point in that. And besides, my boss reminds me a little of my brother, if my brother didn't have me as a sister, hahaha. He seems like he could benefit from a bit of sisterly advice. The guy likes to call women "chicks", for heaven's sakes! Funny, and little sad if you were sixteen and in high school; not so funny, and a lot of sad when you're pushing thirty and in charge of other people. Apparently, he's the guy who pushes everyone's self-destruct button at work, but I'm okay with him. For now. We'll see what other events may pop up and my reaction to them.
Final thought: Let's see what other events crop up.
Sick and neglected
Very quick brief post. My life is running on eight cylinders at the moment, though I myself am only running on two (at some points, one and a half). Got knocked down by one of those bugs that start off as a tickle in your throat and graduate into full-blown runny nose and slight fever. Was going to have Thanksgiving (at a hotel, am too nuts to go all out and cook) with Goldfinger and my old friend Eric this week, but both of them have school commitments. It's just as well, since I am knackered. Saw Goldfinger briefly at school today. Nice to catch him on his own. Have to admit, been feeling a little...oh, what's the word? I think people would be tempted to label this "jealous", but I don't get jealous, so I would say...pouty? Been feeling pouty since Goldfinger spends more time with his university friends than with me. I mean, he's even taken them out to play paintball! We still haven't done that together. Okay, partly my fault, I know, busier than a bee, but still! Pout. In Thai we say "noi jai" or "little heart" - there's no real English equivalent, though I suppose "neglected" is close. Just had a flashback to the Darren Hayes concert. Goldfinger, who towers over me, snapping pics of my fave singer with his cell phone. Sweet, huh? Can't stay mad when you have memories like that. Well, back to the grind.
Final thought: I hate being sick. Dur.
And so it goes...
And so it goes on. Ugh, life has been hectic. And I've been too exhausted by my schedule to blog. Yet, I'm all cool with it, cooler than I usually am, at any rate. Suffice to say, things are going all right - they're not fantastic, but it's overall okay. I have complaints (what else is new?), but I'm more or less settled. On my part, things are going okay at work. I mean, not much to diddle with when your only occupational hazard are white-out stains. As for office politics though - that's another story. Don't know all the details, but I get the feeling everyone hates my boss. Not sure why, but I am soooooo staying out of it. I'm the new girl, and the new girl doesn't take sides. Well, gotta get back to my paper. Yes, that's still not done either. But I won't fuss.
Final thought: Man, I need more sleep!
How to get what you want
In life, do you get what you deserve or what you ask for? I've always been taught to believe the former. If you do good, sooner or what, you get what's coming to you. My parents have even taught me to believe that asking for anything is rude, obscence almost. So I've learned never to ask for anything, even if I really, really want it or feel I've earned it or am actually entitled to it. And when I do ask for something, I feel awful, like the person I've requested something from has this power over me that I'm not quite comfortable with giving to them. So, I usually just bite my tongue. Explains why I usually end up getting paid minimum wage for any jobs I do - or not paid at all, in a number of cases. It's all right, I suppose, because there are a lot more important things in life than money, like decency and respect, so I guess it all evens out. Lately, however, I'm feeling more and more like people who are willing to be impolite and ask for things are cutting right in front of me. Is that it? Is the secret of getting what you want actually coming right out and demanding it? It just seems so...crass. Plus, there's that big "I'll have to owe" thing. I don't like IOUs. People have a way of collecting, with interest.
Final thought: My father taught me to never live life in debt.
First day of work
I'm a proofreader for the morning news at Radio Thailand. First official day at work. Very uneventful. Got up at four, got there at five and lo and behold, it's me and the guy who does the sports news. Fantastic. I sit there, thanking my lucky stars I'd had the good sense to bring along Gabriela, Clove and Cinnamon and wait for the rest of the staff to show up. See, my job hinges on the work of others - proofreading is funny that way. One big up is that I'm pretty boned up on current events, against my will of course. Never was a very newsy kinda girl. I'll read random articles now and then, if something catches my eye (a few days ago it was fried Coca Cola. As if the world didn't have enough ways to induce a heart attack! ), and if something is major, I'll get wind of it. But, on my own, I don't much keep up with news. This job is forcing me to, however, and in a way, I guess it's good. My brother is constantly chastising me for being completely out of touch with everything, and he's right. If it doesn't happen within my narrow circle of life, it's just not important to me. And lately, my life has pretty much occupied...well, my life. What with my paper yet to be finished and dealing with friends who just made me feel down, down, down, I didn't much have time for anything else. But, I want to teach, and like I'm always saying of other teachers, the most you can teach is the most that you know, and if I know nothing, how on Earth can I teach something? So, for the sake of my future students, I'm doggedly sloshing through national, global and business news.
Final thought: Maybe I'll even learn something myself.