Anna Log

Last night, I had dinner with my friends (well, not all of them - Miko had an uncle shipping back to Africa and Smithi was MIA), but Kwan, June, Marc and June's boyfriend Joe (think tan Jay Chou with a Taiwanese mafia vibe). It was great to see them; I never realized I'd miss them so much. I was just so excited to be away from MUIC, that I forgot to think of what that would entail: separation from my friends, no printing capability (my printer sucks) and sporadic updates on hot gossip. Anyhow, aside from eating (oysters in black bean sauce, what were thinking?), it seems that now everyone in the group falls into one of 3 categories, namely a) in a steady relationship, b) currently moving towards a steady relationship or c) me.
Listen, I happen to think I'm a strong, independent, well-adjusted, confident, well-educated (or at least, they tried to educate me) young woman of the new millenium. I don't need a significant other - but it sure would be nice to be asked. :cry:
Whatever, I got more important things to do, like finishing my paper and getting into a master's program. I can't believe that one of my friends is gonna be a doctor (Kwan) and another is gonna be an Oxford man (Marc)! Yeah! Sounds like easy street for me - hahaha, be prepared for lots of favors, you guys! :wink:
Anyhow, as to the part of the conversation at last night's dinner that I have had my heart broken by a certain jerk who will go unnamed...no comment. 8)

Final thought: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you (Mulder, The X-Files). :lol:

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I decided to compile a list I listened to when my heart was broken; it was really therapeutic to have a sort of soundtrack that I could listen to and relate to and heal by. Music soothes the savage beast after all, and what with my mind on poetry and beautiful words, I thought, why not? 8)
Disclaimer: None of these songs belong to me and I'm not getting any money for listening to them, promoting them, reviewing them etc.

1. My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne
This harsh rock song perfectly captures that blend of anger, disbelief and the tiniest bit of bitterness that anyone's who's ever had their heart broken can instantly idenfity and identify with. Plus, there's a sort of savage cruelty to Lavigne's voice that really ensured it as a permanent fixture on my heartbreak playlist. Great for playing at insane decibel levels while throwing darts at a photo of your heartbreaker. Or worse.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought that we could be
You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it...
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

2. Cry Me a River, Justin Timberlake
Albeit sung from the point of view of a male, it's a simple case of switching "guy/girl" into the appropriate places to change the gender of the song's protagonist. I do this when I sing this in the shower...but that's probably more information than you needed. What you do need to know is that this is a great song for anyone's who's ever had the wool pulled over their eyes - the tone is all at once smug, superior and spookily mellow. Perfect for helping you think about your heartbreak with a cool head.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
You told me you loved me
But why did you leave me all alone?
You said that you need me
When you call me on the phone
Girl, I refuse
You must have me confused with some other guy
Bridges were burned
And now it's your turn to cry

3. Emotion, Bee Gees/ Destiny's Child
This is a case where a heartbreak song comes in two equally wonderful versions - both are great, but the Destiny's Child cover is much softer and feminine (duh!) It's just some great poetry and a reassuring anthem to your own resilience.  Excellent to play when you start to realize that heartbreak is "just emotion".

Lyrics to pay attention to:
It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside...
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion

4. I Quit, Hephburn
Pretty self-explanatory. Great energy, rhythm and tempo. It shows that not all heartbreak songs have to be slow and melancholy. They can be fast and catchy. Fun song to dance to as well.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
There was a time when I would
Go walking backwards round the world if you said you're mine
and I'd run blindfold down the King's road Monday morning
If you just for once on arrived on time

5. Long Ago and So Far Away, The Carpenters
A classic - need I say more? Beautiful, haunting, plaintive - pay special attention to the chorus. People might think it's sappy, but if you listen carefully, you can definitely catch that accusatory note in the lyrics.

Lyrics to pay attention to, in particular the first line:
Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby?
Said you'd be coming back this way again, baby
Baby, baby, baby, oh baby
I love you
I really do

6. Keep On Loving You, The Donnas (orig. REO Speedwagon)
This may seem to be a wrong entry. What is a love song doing on a heartbreak mix? Well, the thing is, this love song isn't really a love song - not in the sense that I interpret it anyway. It's more of a heartbroken confession. Look at the lyrics below and I think you'll start to understand what I'm getting at. The speaker is saying that yes, you cheated on me, you hurt me, but you know what? Forget about it. We have a history and no one can take that away from us, and when I told you I loved you, I meant it. However, that doesn't mean I have to stay with you - I can continue to love you here, from a distance.
 
Lyrics to pay attention to:
And though I know all about those girls
Still I don't remember
Coz it was us baby
Way before them
And we're still together
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I loved you
I meant that I'd love you forever

7. Sometimes Love (Just Ain't Enough), Patty Smythe and Don Henley
Sometimes loving someone really isn't enough, even when it's unconditional, change-my-whole-life--for -you, sacrifice-my-pride kinda love. This is a good song to remind you that love isn't magical, rainbows and stars falling out of the skies. This song's about reality, and sometimes, you need a dose of reality when you're tripping on heartbreak.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
There's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's said when you know
It's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

8. All I Have, Jennifer Lopez feat. LL Cool J
A duet with great rhythm, I like it because it presents both sides of the heartbreak. J-Lo does the hurt partner and LL does the hurting partner. I'm all for J-Lo though - she's the one you'll see yourself as, if your heart has been broken.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
It's such a shame but I'm leavin'
Can't take the way you're mistreating me
And it's crazy, but oh baby
It don't matter, whatever don't phase me
The nights I waited up for you
Promises you made about coming through
So much time you wasted
That's why I had to replace you

9. What Can I Do, The Corrs
I like this song because it's not bitter (I'm weird that way - I actually like some songs because of their bitterness). It's got such a clean, wholesome feel to it, it almost doesn't seem to be a song about heartbreak. But don't be fooled - it is. 

Lyrics to pay attention to:
What can I do to make you love me?
What can I do to make you care?
What can I do to make you feel this?
What can I do to get you there?

10. So in Love, Cole Porter (songwriter)
Again, you might ask if this is a love song? And again, I have to tell you yes, but not that kind of love song. It's about accepting that the object of your affection doesn't deserve your love, but you know what? It doesn't really matter. I'll you anyway, and it's not because I'm addicted to pain or anything. It's just that it makes me happy. 

Lyrics to pay attention to:
So taunt me, and hurt me
Deceive me, desert me
I'm yours till I die

11. It Doesn't Matter, Alison Krauss
A beautiful song, both lyric-wise and music-wise. Powerful, without being aggressive. Excellent for easy listening on rainy days.

Lyrics to pay attention to:
It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I bleed

12. Get Out (Leave), JoJo
This is one of my absolute favorites because it's so...riotgrrl! She's got a great, strong voice - and you can really feel the "talk to the hand" vibe in this song. I really like how it starts off really calm, like "Come here and talk to me" and then the chorus kicks in with "Get out!" Yeah! That's the way I should start handling my problems - rationally first, before breaking off into mild hysteria. You get your point across better. :D

Lyrics to pay attention to:
Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me...
You said that you would treat me right
But you was just a waste of time...
Tell me why you're looking so confused
When I'm the one who didn't know the truth
How could you ever be so cold?
You go behind my back and call my friend
Boy, you must have gone and bumped your head
Because you left her number on your phone

Bonus: If you can find this song, and a) understand Thai or b) can get someone to translate it, you won't be disappointed.
Pid Ti Wai Jai, Silly Fools
The title, as translated by me, means "Wrong For Trusting You". It would be wrong of me to try to describe the plaintive sound of this song, so I won't even try. The funny thing is, it's not a bitter song - just undeniably sad. It's just absolutely perfect for playing over and over again when someone has stomped all over your heart.

Lyrics to pay attention to (with original Thai):

I want my last breath to end right now
(Yak hai lom hai jai sudtai, di mod py nai thon nee)
I've been hurt more than I can bear
(Jeb jon gern rub wai)
Heart
(Hua jai)
Please get some rest already
(Jong lub lai, py sear tee)
It was wrong of me to keep loving you
(Pid tee chun aeng tee fao ruk)
Made you overlook me
(Tee tum hai ter nun mong kham py)
It was wrong of me to be so easy
(Pid tee chun aeng tee ngai nuk)
A sure thing only has this much value
(Kong thie ge mee kwam mai kair nun)

Love and light, everyone. :wink:

Final thought: Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. (Right Here Waiting, Richard Marx)

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I wish I had superpowers.
If I did indeed have my own show, or if my life was a TV show, something I would actually have a hand in deciding, I would insist that I have superpowers. That, therefore, would neccesitate the use of special effects. I love special effects. I like the improbable.
Okay, enough about the darn show...you get the picture.
Here's a thought...does John Mayer's Your Body is a Wonderland count as poetry? Coz it's beautiful, just like some of Darren Hayes stuff. (If you have not listened to his album Spin, it is highly recommended - especially the tracks Like It Or Not, I Can't Ever Get Enough of You and Strange Relationship. That last one I don't like from a musical viewpoint, as if I have a musical viewpoint, but it fits in with my one of strange relationships, sort of like a soundtrack, and that's why I like it.)
I recently heard an excerpt of an actual poem (quite beautiful) on Tru Calling. Despite the complete illogical nature of some of the episodes of that show, I really enjoy this show and am quite angry that they have upped and canceled it. Just when it was starting to get interesting (see above blog. Did I mention I think Jason Priestley is hot? Especially on this show). Anyhow, here's the poem.

I Carry Your Heart With Me
 e.e. cummings

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
    I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Final thought: My love is made of stardust and eternity...maybe that's too much for some to handle.

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 Okay, last night I was thinking. I wanted to blog right away, but I decided to do the responsible thing and put in some work on my paper first. Anyhow, here's what I was thinking. Recently on Tru Calling, they added some spice to the show with the addition of a pretty cool villain (watch the show, if you want to know what I mean). The reason I like this character is not only because he presents an extra wrinkle into the heroine's plans, but because of the chemistry.

Great shows always have chemistry - and by chemistry, I mean unresolved sexual tension. Having a love interest is all fine and dandy, but I think all those "doomed relationships" are infintely more interesting. So, in lieu of having an actual "significant other" on my show, I opt for the angstier option. My show would have a villain - who just happens to be sexy and a bit ambiguous about his villain-status. Now, if you could just point out where I can find such a character in real life, I'll name my first child after you (my first pet anyhow!)

So, that's part 2 of my discussion on my TV show. I think next time we'll talk about whether or not I want special effects...

Final thought: You are not loved because you are beautiful...you are beautiful because you are loved.

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Notice that the title of my blog is "Why I should have my own TV show...". Well, it seems that I should explain this title - who knows when my next blog will be? You know, I have nothing to do (except my paper), and yet, the hours still seem to fly by. I guess I'm just really good at keeping myself occupied.

Anyhow, about my TV show. Here's the theme song, first of all. It doesn't have any particular melody, coz I'm crap with music. (That was always my friend Marc's area).

Anna's Show Theme Song (tentatively titled: "Whoa, What a Girl") 

Anna is cute
Anna is nice   &nb sp;  
Give her all your money
Coz she is really funny   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;

Anna is smart  
Anna is sweet 
Better treat her nice  
Or she'll kick you with her feet! 

Good, huh? :wink: It's no Rogers and Hammerstein, but it'll do.

So, what genre would my "life-as-TV-show" be? I've given a lot of thought to that myself and to be honest, I don't know. I'm leaning more towards a "dramedy" - a drama with all the trappings of a sitcom. I envision it as something like Scrubs or Malcolm in the Middle. It's funny, a bit surreal, but there's usually an important message attached.

Of course, if my life was really a TV show, I'd want a cool power. Sitcoms are all good and fine, but I'm a supernatural drama girl. (X-Files rule!) Hmmm, what power would Supreme Anna want?

Tune in for her next blog. :D

Final thought: The truth is out there. :lol:

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